Today, we’ll discuss 6 reasons why this IELTS Writing Task 2 model answer will score in bands 8 to 9 in IELTS writing. We’ll look at how the essay is organised, the vocabulary used, as well as its grammatical range.
Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Reason 1: Planning
I know, you want to start writing immediately, but IELTS candidates who get above band 7 nearly always spend a few minutes planning their answer before they begin writing the essay.
Before you start thinking about your essay ideas, ask yourself the following questions:
What exactly is the question asking?/ What are the keywords?
Does the question ask for my opinion? (probably)
Do I need to discuss both sides? (maybe)
What are relevant main ideas for my essay? (directly answering the question)
Once you've looked at the question very carefully, you can plan your two main ideas, and then some sub-ideas to support and extend these main ideas.
Remember, your ideas don’t need to be clever. Your real opinion is probably complicated. These ideas don’t need to be complicated. The important thing is that you directly answer the question. The fewer logical steps there are in your reasoning, the better!
Take a look at the simple plan I made for this model answer.
The main ideas for the model answer are that outdoor activities are better because they one, provide health benefits, and two, they help children to develop soft skills (interpersonal skills). They are simple and relevant.
Now I'd like you to choose some good main ideas in Exercise 1.
Exercise 1:
Have a look at the following IELTS question and some possible main ideas for the answer's body paragraphs 1 - 6. Which two main ideas are the best? Why?
Some people enjoy holidays which include many exciting activities, while others prefer a relaxing holiday by the beach. Which do you think is better?
1. The growth in international tourism over the past 20 years.
2. How people in Asia are travelling more than ever before.
3. Why exciting activities make holidays more enjoyable.
4. The advantages of domestic tourism over foreign holidays.
5. How beach holidays can be good for families.
6. The dangers involved in sports like snowboarding or mountaineering.
To check your answers look at the bottom of the article. The best two ideas are simple ideas that answer the question in a direct way.
Action Point 1:
Choose 5 IELTS Writing Task 2 questions. Make plans for your answers to these questions. Think of 2 clear and simple main ideas and then some sub-ideas which can support and extend these main ideas.
Reason 2: Topic sentences
Good topic sentences are very important in helping you score highly in IELTS for Task Achievement.
Topic sentences begin your essay body paragraphs and should clearly state the main idea which you are going to explain and support in the paragraph.
The examiner should immediately understand what the paragraph is about, and why it is relevant.
You can see that the topic sentences in this model answer are quite simple but very clear express the main idea of the paragraph.
TP1: Firstly, doing activities outdoors, especially in green spaces like parks, woods or sports fields is better for children’s physical and mental wellbeing.
TP2: Secondly, while outdoor games offer many opportunities for socialising with other kids, playing computer games is usually a solitary activity.
Exercise 2:
Now you're going to see three body paragraphs taken from 3 different candidate's answers to the following question:
Some people think we should make children take part in traditional festivals and celebrations. Do you agree?
After reading the body paragraphs you should match the examiner's comments to the appropriate body paragraph 1 - 3.
In many countries traditional celebrations date back hundreds or even thousands of years. Usually, traditional festivities attract families from a wide area. This is a great way to improve links between parents and children in the community. However, organising such celebrations can be expensive, and perhaps the money could be better spent on other things such as improving transport infrastructure or educational facilities.
Traditional celebrations are an excellent opportunity to educate children about the history of a country. They can bring a country's history to life and make it exciting for young people. For example, Guy Fawkes Night is a traditional celebration that is both informative and entertaining for youngsters in the UK, and teaches them about a key event in British political history. Including children in traditional celebrations is therefore beneficial for their education and should be encouraged.
Unfortunately, traditional celebrations are becoming less and less popular every year. While in the past traditional celebrations were incredibly important community events, these days people prefer to stay at home and enjoy entertainment without leaving the house. Children play computer games or communicate with their friends online, while their parents watch series or films on streaming services such as Netflix.
Examiner’s comments:
A. There is a clear and relevant topic sentence.
B. The topic sentence does not answer the question directly.
C. The topic sentence gives background information only.
Action Point 2:
Write an answer to the IELTS question above. Plan your main ideas. Make sure that the topic sentence for each body paragraph clearly states the main idea of the paragraph. Post your answer in the comments below so I can check your topic sentences.
Reason 3: Paraphrasing is essential
Paraphrasing is using different words and phrases for the same ideas. It is really key to success in IELTS writing task 2.
This model answer uses paraphrasing effectively in several places.
Firstly there is paraphrasing in the essay’s introduction. The first line of the introduction paraphrases the IELTS question.
Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
You can see how it says the same thing but uses different words and phrases. It does this by:
changing from active voice to passive voice - Some people believe > It is sometimes argued
using synonyms and parallel expressions - more beneficial > better helps
changing parts of speech - development (noun) > develop (verb)
changing word order - playing computer games > playing games on computers
You will need to paraphrase in the body paragraphs and conclusion too, because in these places you will also give the main ideas of the essay.
Take a look at the paraphrasing in this model answer. The words and phrases which were paraphrased are highlighted in specific colours so you can see where the paraphrasing happens.
Introduction:
outdoor activities far more beneficial for children’s mental and physical health
they also give children more opportunities to interact with others and develop important soft skills
BP1 Topic Sentence:
doing activities outdoors, especially in green spaces like parks, woods or sports fields is better for children’s physical and mental wellbeing
BP2 Topic Sentence:
while outdoor games offer many opportunities for communicating with other kids, playing computer games is usually a solitary activity
Conclusion:
outdoor activities are more effective for the development of children than being cooped up inside gaming
they promote better mental and physical health, while also being more helpful for learning useful interpersonal skills
Action Point 3:
Make a list of 3 phrases which you can use to begin paraphrasing the IELTS task question. In this model answer you have "It is often argued that..." Think of 2 more. Put them in the comments below if you'd like me to check.
Reason 4: Cohesive Devices
Lots of blogs and online videos will tell you about the linking adverbs you need for IELTS writing.
These are the adverbs such as, however, although, furthermore, in addition, moreover and others.
Undoubtedly, these are useful, however, they are not enough to score above band 7 for Coherence & Cohesion.
This model answer could reach band 9 because it uses three other cohesive devices:
Referencing
Relative clauses
Lexical relationships
Referencing is when you use it/ they/ this/ that/ these and such to refer back to something you said in the previous sentence.
Relative clauses use which/ that/ who/ where/ when to connect from one clause in a sentence to the other clause in the sentence.
Lexical relationships are where you use synonyms and parallel phrases to repeat the same idea but with different words. This is the same as paraphrasing, which we discussed a minute ago.
Have a look at the examples of these cohesive devices in the model answer. Examples of linking adverbs are highlighted in yellow, referencing is highlighted in blue, relative clauses are in purple, and lexical relationships are in pink.
Cohesive Devices:
1. Linking adverbs and phrases
2. Referencing - using it/they/ this/ that etc. to refer back to previous ideas
3. Relative clauses - using which/ that/ who to link clauses
4. Lexical Relationships: Using synonyms or related terms to connect ideas
It is sometimes argued that taking part in outdoor activities better helps children to develop than playing games on computers. I completely agree as not only are outdoor activities far more beneficial for children’s mental and physical health, but they also give children more opportunities to interact with others and develop important soft skills.
Firstly, doing activities outdoors, especially in green spaces like parks, woods or sports fields is better for children’s physical and mental wellbeing. Playing outside usually involves movement and physical exercise. Such activity increases children’s strength and fitness, and helps them to develop healthy, strong, and resilient bodies. In fact, a recent study found that children who spend 1 hour outdoors each day are far more resistant to flu and colds than more sedentary children. In addition, outdoor activities allow children to unplug from the virtual world, which can be really beneficial for their mental health as they mature. Connecting with nature and reduced screen time have been shown to help alleviate problems with stress and depression among children, and this in turn improves academic performance.
Secondly, while outdoor games offer many opportunities for socialising with other kids, playing computer games is usually a solitary activity. Being active outside such as when playing football or basketball, having fun in playgrounds, or making camps in the woods, allows children to communicate and collaborate with each other. As a result, children can learn about teamwork and develop soft skills in negotiation and leadership, as well as foster empathy for others. On the other hand, computer games usually only involve one or two players and require much less human interaction and collaboration. This means that the time children spend in front of the screen tends to be less useful for developing interpersonal skills than the time they spend outdoors.
In conclusion, outdoor activities are far better for the development of children than being cooped up inside gaming. They promote better mental and physical health, while also being more helpful for learning useful interpersonal skills.
Action point 4:
In your next IELTS Writing Task 2 answer, try to include at least 2 relative clauses and 2 instances of referencing.
Reason 5: Task specific vocabulary
The next reason this model answer is a band 9 answer is because of its task specific vocabulary.
Another problem with a lot of online advice about IELTS is it suggests you memorise random advanced words and phrases and force them into your essay. Unfortunately, this doesn’t work very well, because you will only get credit for advanced words if they fit into the essay naturally. For a high score you really need vocabulary that is specific to the topic you are writing about, even if it's at the A1 - B1 level. In fact, most vocabulary will naturally be at this level anyway.
I’ve put the context specific vocabulary in the model answer in bold, so you can see how much of it there is. There is a lot of A1 to B1 vocabulary, as well as B2 and C1 vocabulary. Where there is advanced vocabulary (C1 & C2), it’s always relevant, and that’s why this essay could score band 9.
It is sometimes argued that taking part in outdoor activities better helps children to develop than playing games on computers. I completely agree as not only are outdoor activities far more beneficial for children’s mental and physical health, but they also give children more opportunities to interact with others and develop important soft skills.
Firstly, doing activities outdoors, especially in green spaces like parks, woods or sports fields is better for children’s physical and mental wellbeing. Playing outside usually involves movement and physical exercise. Such activity increases children’s strength and fitness, and helps them to develop healthy, strong, and resilient bodies. In fact, a recent study found that children who spend 1 hour outdoors each day are far more resistant to flu and colds than more sedentary children. In addition, outdoor activities allow children to unplug from the virtual world, which can be really beneficial for their mental health as they mature. Connecting with nature and reduced screen time have been shown to help alleviate problems with stress and depression among children, and this in turn improves academic performance.
Secondly, while outdoor games offer many opportunities for socialising with other kids, playing computer games is usually a solitary activity. Being active outside such as when playing football or basketball, having fun in playgrounds, or making camps in the woods, allows children to communicate and collaborate with each other. As a result, children can learn about teamwork and develop soft skills in negotiation and leadership, as well as foster empathy for others. On the other hand, computer games usually only involve one or two players and require much less human interaction and collaboration. This means that the time children spend in front of the screen tends to be less useful for developing interpersonal skills than the time they spend outdoors.
In conclusion, outdoor activities are far better for the development of children than being cooped up inside gaming. They promote better mental and physical health, while also being more helpful for learning useful interpersonal skills.
Action Point 5:
Before you write your next IELTS essay, research topic related vocabulary and expressions which you can use in your answer. You can look for this in topic related articles and videos online, or by searching for lists of topic related vocabulary, like you can find here.
Reason 6: Compound and complex sentences
The key to a high score for grammatical range in IELTS is a variety of compound and complex sentences. You can make them in many ways. In this essay I’ve used:
Conjunctions such as “and”, “but”, “while” and “as well as” to make compound sentences
And to make complex sentences I’ve used:
Comparisons with “than”
Contrast statements with “while”
Below, I’ve highlighted compound sentences in blue and complex sentences in purple. You’ll see that there is a good mix of simple, compound and complex sentences.
It is sometimes argued that taking part in outdoor activities better helps children to develop than playing games on computers. I completely agree as not only are outdoor activities far more beneficial for children’s mental and physical health, but they also give children more opportunities to interact with others and develop important soft skills.
Firstly, doing activities outdoors, especially in green spaces like parks, woods or sports fields is better for children’s physical and mental wellbeing. Playing outside usually involves movement and physical exercise. Such activity increases children’s strength and fitness, and helps them to develop healthy, strong, and resilient bodies. In fact, a recent study found that children who spend 1 hour outdoors each day are far more resistant to flu and colds than more sedentary children. In addition, outdoor activities allow children to unplug from the virtual world, which can be really beneficial for their mental health as they mature. Connecting with nature and reduced screen time have been shown to help alleviate problems with stress and depression among children, and this in turn improves academic performance.
Secondly, while outdoor games offer many opportunities for socialising with other kids, playing computer games is usually a solitary activity. Being active outside such as when playing football or basketball, having fun in playgrounds, or making camps in the woods, allows children to communicate and collaborate with each other. As a result, children can learn about teamwork and develop soft skills in negotiation and leadership, as well as foster empathy for others. On the other hand, computer games usually only involve one or two players and require much less human interaction and collaboration. This means that the time children spend in front of the screen tends to be less useful for developing interpersonal skills than the time they spend outdoors.
In conclusion, outdoor activities are far better for the development of children than being cooped up inside gaming. They promote better mental and physical health, while also being more helpful for learning useful interpersonal skills.
Action Point 6:
Increase the grammatical range in your next IELTS Writing Task 2 answer. Try to include complex sentences using all 4 of the grammar items mentioned above.
That’s it. I hope you now have some ideas for what you can work on to improve your IELTS TASK 2 essays and get up to to band 7 and higher!
Exercise Answers:
Exercise 1: 3 & 5
Exercise 2: 1C, 2A, 3B
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