WRITING
Body Paragraphs 2: Supporting & extending main ideas
In order to achieve above band 7 in IELTS Writing Task 2 for Task Response your main ideas must be ‘well extended and supported’ (see IELTS Band Descriptors - Band 8 Task Response). If your ideas are ‘insufficiently developed’ you will be limited to Band 6 in this area.
The key to achieving ‘well extended and supported’ ideas is to have one main idea in each paragraph, which is extended and supported by sub-ideas.
The main idea is more general, while the sub-ideas are more specific. We looked at this while discussing planning your answer and later in topic sentences. In part V of planning your answer, I gave an example of the main and sub-ideas to the following IELTS question:
Some people think that outdoor activities are more beneficial for children’s development than playing computer games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Main Idea 1: Physical and mental health benefits of outdoor activities
Sub-idea A: Outdoor activity involves exercise - good for physical health.
Sub-idea B: Chance to disconnect - good for mental health.
Main Idea 2: Opportunities to develop soft skills
Sub-idea A: Outdoor activities involve more communication & interaction.
Sub-idea B: Computer gaming usually only involves one or two players.
The example shows the more general main ideas 1 and 2, followed by more specific sub-ideas A and B. Two or three sub-ideas are used to extend and support each main idea.
Have a look at the body paragraph for main idea 1:
Firstly, doing activities outdoors, especially in green spaces like parks, woods or sports fields is better for children’s physical and mental health. Outdoor activities usually involve movement and physical exercise. Such activity increases children’s strength and fitness, and helps them to develop healthy, strong, and resilient bodies. In fact, a recent study found that children who spend 1 hour outdoors each day are far more resistant to flu and colds than more sedentary children. In addition, outdoor activities allow children to unplug from the virtual world, which can be really beneficial for their mental health. Connecting with nature and reduced screen time have been shown to help alleviate problems with stress and depression, even among very young school children.
(For the full model answer go here.)
The topic sentence states the main idea, and then the sub-ideas extend and develop this main idea.
Take a look at another less effective body paragraph to the following IELTS Writing Task 2 question. What is wrong with it?
Some people believe that governments should increase funding for the protection of the environment. To what extent do you agree?
Governments are in the best position to have an impact on protecting the environment. Firstly, they could work towards phasing out the use of fossil fuels for energy production. They could also increase the infrastructure around electric vehicles, so making them more attractive to consumers than petrol or diesel alternatives. In addition, they could work on improving recycling within their respective countries. Governments could also more easily protect important forests and areas of natural beauty. Furthermore, they alone are able to guard the oceans and seas from overexploitation and pollution.
What is wrong? The paragraph looks like a list of ways the government could protect the environment. It doesn't develop any of the ideas enough.
It would be better to have fewer ideas and develop them more effectively. Let's look at such a version:
Governments are in the best position to have an impact on protecting the environment. Firstly, they should work towards phasing out the use of fossil fuels for energy production. By increasing funding of more environmentally friendly forms of energy, such as wind, solar and nuclear, governments could significantly reduce the country's emissions of carbon dioxide. In addition, the government should help to promote the use of electric vehicles. Through subsidies and grants the government could increase charging infrastructure, and make electric vehicle purchases more attractive to car buyers. This too would make a big difference to the health of our ecosystem.
In this version, only two sub-ideas are used to support the main idea, but each sub-idea is developed and supported more effectively. This paragraph would therefore score more highly for Task Response.
Exercise:
Below are the body paragraphs taken from two IELTS candidates' responses to a Writing Task 2 question about the importance of having money. One of them would score very highly for Task Response, while the other one would lose marks for not extending and supporting the ideas sufficiently. Which paragraph, 1 or 2, would score more highly for Task Response?
1. Having lots of money can make your life more enjoyable for several reasons. Firstly, it is essential to pay for the necessities in life. If money is very tight, and the household income is barely sufficient for the rent, food and utility bills, life can be difficult and stressful. Families that live from hand to mouth face many difficulties and any unexpected expense, such as a medical bill, vehicle or house repair can be a heavy burden. Furthermore, being wealthy allows you to enjoy the comforts and luxuries that make life pleasant and enjoyable. If you are well-off, it is possible to go on holiday, eat high quality food in nice restaurants, live in a big home, and drive a reliable and luxurious car.
2. Firstly, having lots of money allows you the freedom to buy whatever you want without worrying about the price. In addition if you have a medical problem, and you are wealthy, there's no problem paying the bill. Being rich also allows you to take nice holidays, buy expensive cars, and splurge on luxury goods whenever you like. Furthermore, money give you more power and influence in society, so you're able to deal with problematic situations more easily. Money also allows you to invest in yourself, by taking various courses and lessons. Finally, money gives you the opportunity to have fun, and take part in whatever leisure activities you desire.
Activity:
The body paragraph below contains many good sub-ideas, but the sub-ideas are not sufficiently extended and supported. There is also no clear topic sentence at the beginning. Rewrite the body paragraph with a topic sentence and two or three sub-ideas. For the ideas which you keep, add at least one or two sentences to extend and support each of them.
People are often less polite these days than they were in the past. What are the reasons for this? How can this problem be fixed?
Body Paragraph: Firstly, people now live in big cities so they don’t have close relationships with their neighbours, as they did in smaller towns in the past. Secondly, people have very busy lives these days and are under a lot of pressure, so they think less about other people’s feelings. Thirdly, the culture in many countries has become much more individualistic than in the past. Finally, television and internet entertainment encourages people to be more aggressive and unfriendly to others. In addition, the anonymity of the internet allows people to be rude without consequences.
Exercise Answer Key:
Exercise: Paragraph 1 would score more highly for Task Response because its ideas are better extended and supported.